I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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