come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
