If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
