Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
