so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
