Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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