everyone is single if you try hard enough
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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