What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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