I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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