respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
