Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
