I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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