I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
