Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
