I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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