do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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