I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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