shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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