Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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