Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
