She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
