If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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