we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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