I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
