Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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