You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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