im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
