did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
