I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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