never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think people are normalizing furries
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
