he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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