On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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