So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
