Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
