I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
