Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
