you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it because I queefed?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
