My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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