So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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