Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
