also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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