So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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