I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
