It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
