I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
