ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
