There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
