At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
