there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
