The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
