For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
