My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
there is puke in my bra ... again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
