____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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