I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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