I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
