This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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