I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize