The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
