Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
