i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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