i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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