I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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