What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
