I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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